


Illegally blond

by confusedloser



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: I'm so sorry, Legally Blonde AU, M/M, Slow Burn, someone on discord said aftg legally blonde AU as a joke and here we are, when I say slow burn I mean legally blonde slow burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-16 08:14:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 10,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28953258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/confusedloser/pseuds/confusedloser
Summary: Aftg Legally Blonde AU based on the musical because I'm an uncultured heathen and haven't seen the movieDisclaimer: I don't own these characters or the plot. Also, I use some likes from the Legally Blonde musical, they are not my intellectual property please don't lawsuit me I'm a uni student I can't afford that shit
Relationships: Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 28
Kudos: 63





	1. Omigod You Guys

**Author's Note:**

> Hi I'm so sorry for this, just thought I'd say who the characters in this chapter are.  
> Elle: Andrew  
> Pilar (sorority sister): Aaron  
> Margot (sorority sister): Nicky  
> Bruiser: Sir and King  
> Warner: Riko
> 
> Also just thought I'd say that the twins are significantly less traumatised and more well adjusted in this because they were adopted by Bee in their early teens.

Nicky sighed happily, flopping back onto Aaron’s bed and sending his carefully organised notes flying. Aaron threw a highlighter at him for what seemed like the millionth time, he’d have to collect his discarded ones soon, and set to work rearranging his notes. Again. 

“He’s getting married,” Nicky grinned.

Aaron gave up on ignoring his cousin, “who is?”

“My son,” Nicky said, turning and propping himself up on his elbows, “my prickly son is getting married.”

“Andrew?” Aaron frowned, “he’s not your son, and he never said that he’s getting married.”

“Shut up bitch, you’re both my children.”

“I’m sure Bee would be glad to hear that.”

Nicky blew a raspberry at him, “Riko is so gonna propose tonight. Haven’t you seen him lately, he stares at Andrew like he hung the moon. Besides, he said that he had something important to tell him tonight, he has got to be proposing. What else would he do? Break up with Drew? Unlikely. They’re like, the perfect couple.”

Aaron threw yet another highlighter, “Kate and I-”

“Are straight,” Nicky interrupted, “I’m sorry but you guys have nothing on Drew and Riko. Speaking of, we should go find him, he’s probably freaking out.”

Aaron sighed, resigned to the fact that he definitely wasn’t getting any more work done today, and followed Nicky out the door to go find his asshole brother.

~~~~~

“Haven’t heard from him all day,” Roland shrugged, murmurs of agreement spread throughout the frat lounge and Aaron had to do everything in his power not to scream. Of course Andrew hadn’t been heard from all day, the dick seemed to live on the power trip of making everyone’s lives more difficult than they needed to be. He turned to head back to his room only to be stopped by his idiot cousin engaged in conversation with a fucking cat.

“King,” Nicky said seriously, “Where is Andrew?”

The cat gave him an unimpressed look.

“Seriously King, this is important.”

King gave out a long suffering mewl, which Nicky seemed to take as a genuine answer, gasping and turning to the rest of the room.

“He’s trapped in the Old Valley Mill!”

“Mall, maybe?” Roland suggested.

“Oh, sorry King,” Nicky frowned, “The Old Valley Mall!”

Aaron wasn’t sure how his life had gotten to this point, squished in the backseat of Roland’s mini because his twin had clearly decided to take the maserati for his little disappearing act, following the directions of a cat to save his brother from a potential fashion disaster. If there was any way to go back in time and change the series of events that led to this moment, he would take it in a heartbeat.

~~~~~

“Oh my god! Andrew!” Nicky squealed as he dragged Aaron into the little boutique his brother seemed to be obsessed with, “are you excited? You have to be excited! God, I remember the day Erik proposed to me, it was so romantic, he strung up fairy lights and-”

Aaron decided he’d had enough, wandering off towards the sale section because he honestly couldn’t think of anything else to do. Andrew wouldn’t touch the sale section with a five foot pole, he’d be safe from his cousin’s dramatics there. Unfortunately, the universe didn’t seem to care about his sanity.

“Jesus christ Aaron, have you learned nothing?” Nicky scolded, “we’re trying to find Andrew an engagement outfit. Love is like, forever, this is no time to economise!”

Well, so much for that plan. Him and Andrew shared a fed up look behind Nicky’s back, at least he wasn’t the only one suffering through this. 

“Excuse me,” a saleswoman shuffled over, “have you seen this? It just came in, it’s perfect for a blond.”

Andrew gave the soft periwinkle suit she was holding up a once over, clearly unimpressed. 

“Right!” He smiled passive aggressively, “With a half loop stitch on China silk?”

The saleswoman faltered, “uh-huh.”

And of course, Andrew went for the kill. “But the thing is, you can’t use a half loop stitch on China silk, it’ll pucker. And you didn’t just get this in because I saw it in last May’s vogue.” 

Aaron almost felt bad for the saleswoman. Almost.

“It may be perfect for a blond,” Andrew continued, “but I’m not that blond. I may be in love but I’m not stupid, lady I’ve got eyes.”

Nicky stood transfixed, seemingly trying to decide between saving the poor saleswoman and backing up his cousin. At that point Aaron quite frankly couldn’t care less, he just wanted to get a milkshake and go home. Maybe invite Katelyn over and rant about his stupid brother’s stupid engagement drama. Unfortunately for him, he didn’t live in a perfect world, Andrew was the centre of this universe, Aaron was just Andrew’s unlucky twin. 

“Andrew Minyard,” another voice called, “To what do I owe- My god. I’m so sorry. Courtney, take your break.”

Andrew fixed this new woman, Aaron didn’t recognise her but she clearly knew the other Minyard, with an unimpressed stare. She didn’t seem phased.

“Just ignore her, she hasn’t been well.” She sized Andrew up, hurrying to the back and returning with a soft pink floral suit, a baby blue shirt hung carefully within it, even Aaron had to admit that it was nice. “Try this, latest from Milan.”

Andrew seemed impressed, “I trust your choice, you know my measurements. How much?”

The new saleswoman scoffed, “My treat. I take care of my best clientele.”

That appeared to please Andrew. It probably wouldn’t be noticeable to most people, but Aaron had spent enough time looking at that face, his own face, to notice the small differences in Andrew’s demeanor. The slight softening of his glare, the twitch of his cheek, Andrew was clearly over the moon about this suit. Aaron had never understood his brother’s inclination towards nice clothing, but then again, he was in pre med, if Andrew hadn’t learned an appreciation of style four years into a fashion merchandising degree he’d be concerned. 

“Knew I could count on you, Cass,” He said, taking the offered suit.

“Always a pleasure, Mr Minyard.”


	2. Serious

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you haven't noticed each chapter is a song from the musical
> 
> CW: allusions to Andrew's past (in regards to Drake) but it's very small and subtle and let's be honest if you read AFTG you're ready for everything at this point

Andrew frowned, straightening his lapels for what seemed like the millionth time. He was getting engaged, everyone was sure of it, so why did something seem off? He stared himself down in the mirror, he looked great, objectively. The suit was perfect, and at that point in his degree he felt qualified to say that with certainty. Bee sat behind him on his bed, quiet but disapproving.

“I know you don’t like him,” Andrew said, breaking the silence.

Bee sighed, “I didn’t say that.”

“You didn’t need to.”

Silence, a little bit of shuffling, the soft scratch of Bee rearranging the knives in his display case.

“I want what’s best for you. I want you to be happy.” Bee paused, “if you think that Riko is going to make you happy then I will support you unconditionally. I love you Andrew, you know that. Sure, he wouldn’t be my first choice but nobody knows you better than yourself and I trust you to make your own decisions. Do you genuinely think this is the best one?”

“You stopped being my therapist years ago,” Andrew said, ignoring that nagging voice in the back of his head pointing out that he was avoiding the question.

“I’m not asking you as your therapist, I’m asking you as your mother.”

Andrew sat down at his dresser, beginning to apply some eyeliner, Riko always said that his eyes were his best feature. “Well then as my mother, you know me. You know I wouldn’t do anything I didn’t want to do.”

The ‘anymore’ went unsaid, but Bee heard it loud and clear. Andrew had a choice now, Bee had given him that choice when she’d adopted him just over a decade ago. She was well aware that Andrew wouldn’t give up his ability to choose for anyone, they both knew this. 

“I just worry.”

Andrew levelled her with a stare, “everyone does.”

She smiled softly, placing a kiss on the top of his hair as she made to leave his room. “I love you.”

“Love you too,” Andrew sighed, “leave the mushy shit alone, I get enough of it with Nicky.”

Bee laughed, “I’ll be downstairs with hot chocolate when you’re ready.”

~~~~~

After parking the maserati, because Andrew would die before letting a valet touch it, Andrew made his way to the front of the restaurant, anticipating his soon to be fiancé. Riko greeted him with a soft kiss and small pink and white rose bouquet. 

“Drew,” he smiled.

“Riko,” Andrew returned, causing Riko to break out in laughter as per routine. 

“You look stunning.”

“As do you,” and he did. Dressed in a sleek black suit with red accents Riko commanded the attention of the room as per usual. It was one of the things Andrew liked about him, content to stay in the shadows with only himself and those close to him for company. Of course, accepting the position of fraternity president wasn’t the best move in his plan to stay out of the spotlight, but Andrew did what he needed to for his family, and being in control was the best way to protect them.

Slipping his hand into Andrew’s, Riko led them to a private table at the back of the restaurant. Slowly blinking fairy lights framed the booth and candles flickered beautifully on the table. Riko pulled out Andrew’s chair before sitting down himself and gently taking Andrew’s hand once again.

He rubbed his other hand on the back of his neck nervously, “I thought one look at you, looking like a dream come true, would leave me speechless like you always do.”

Andrew smiled despite himself, “not bored yet?”

“Bored? No, I could never get bored of you. I do need to talk to you though, something serious.”

“When have you ever known me to shy away from the serious?”

Riko chuckled. Andrew frowned, that wasn’t a joke.

“Drew, baby, we’ve been together for years. Us against the world, hand in hand.”

Andrew rolled his eyes, “I was aware of when we started dating, yes.”

“And you know I plan to be a senator by the time I’m 30, Harvard law, three kids-”

“Just like the Kennedys,” Andrew finished for him. 

“Yeah, just like the Kennedys,” Riko smiled, “so, baby, that why I think you and I-”

Andrew leaned forwards in anticipation, smiling softly and staring into Riko’s eyes.

“Should break up,” Riko finished. 

Andrew pulled back abruptly, “Break up?”

“Yeah, Drew. I need someone serious. You’re great but I really need more,” Riko frowned, “what did you think I was doing?”

“Proposing,” Andrew spat out, “I thought you were proposing, you dick. What the fuck kind of game do you think you’re playing? Inviting me to our favourite restaurant, giving me roses, a candlelit dinner. In what fucking world is that how you break up with someone?”

“Drew, I-” Riko tried.

“No, you don’t get to call me that,” He pushed his chair out and stood up, “I may not be serious, but I was seriously in love with you. Did your father put you up to this? Am I not good enough for him? Not good enough for you? Come to your fucking senses, and talk to me when you do.”

“You can’t have really thought-”

“Thought what? That I didn’t just waste the past four years of my life? That I was spending my time with someone respectable? I’m not putting up with your excuses. Grow up, sort yourself out, and maybe if you’re lucky I’ll be waiting.” He levelled one last glare at Riko and stormed out.

~~~~~

“So, show us the ring then!” Nicky cooed 

“Nothing to show,” Andrew spat out, “concern yourself with your own love life, and I’ll deal with mine.”

Nicky’s face dropped, “he didn’t-?”

“What the fuck did you think happened? No, I don’t want to hear it. I’m going to my room, don’t talk to me unless someone’s on fire. Actually no, don’t even talk to me then. Aaron is perfectly competent.”

He slammed the door, collapsed onto his bed, and stared at the ceiling, wishing he could let himself cry.


	3. What You Want

“I’m applying to Harvard,” Andrew announced, marching into Nicky and Aaron’s room with Sir and King at his heels, glaring at everyone as if two oversized fluffballs would kill everyone in the monsters’ frat house for giving their owner a single dirty look. 

His twin and cousin gaped at him.

“I’m sorry,” Aaron spat, “did I hear that right? Am I going deaf or have you gone insane?”

“I’m applying to Harvard law,” Andrew collapsed into a bean bag and beckoned his cats to join him. 

“You’re going insane then,” Aaron said, “good to know.”

“Ok give me a minute,” Nicky cut in, “you’ve decided to go to law school? With a degree in Fashion Merchandising?”

“Yes. I don’t see what’s so hard to understand.”

Nicky and Aaron glanced at each other, looked at Andrew, and frowned. It would almost be funny if Andrew wasn’t getting more and more annoyed by the second. Sure, he was well aware that his reasoning was questionable but the way this was heading it looked like he was going to be made to explain himself, and he didn’t particularly want to share his decision making process with anyone. Especially not his overbearing cousin.

Nicky put away his phone slowly, “am I allowed to ask why?”

“Riko said I’m not serious enough for him,” Andrew shrugged, “He’s a fucking idiot. I’m going to go to Harvard law, show him that I can be serious, and maybe if he’s lucky I’ll take him back.”

Nicky sighed, plastering on his concerned parent face, Andrew regretted ever talking to him. “So he dumped you, and now you’re going to Harvard just to run back into his arms.”

“Did you not listen to a word I said, I’m going to Harvard to show him that he’s a fucking idiot with a superiority complex and see if he’ll grow up enough for me to consider him again.”

Nicky took a deep breath, looking like he was about to launch into some stupid speech claiming to know better than Andrew or some shit. Luckily, for everyone's sanity, Aaron decided to cut in. “I’m sorry but did neither of you even think this through logistically. If Andrew wants to go fuck himself over that’s his problem, but you know you can’t just go to Harvard whenever you feel like it, right? You need at least a 174 on your LSAT, killer essay, references, the works.”

“I have a 4.0 average,” Andrew said. 

“Yeah, in Fashion Merchandising,” Aaron spat, “what makes you think you can do this?”

“I have an eidetic memory, Aaron. I’ll study. Shut the fuck up and focus on your own issues. I’m going to Harvard.”

~~~~~

Bee gently placed a mug of hot chocolate in front of Andrew, sitting down and stirring her own. Five stirs clockwise, five stirs counterclockwise. Andrew watched her and waited until she’d completed the cycle five times, there was no point trying to grab her attention before that and potentially upset her.

“I’m applying to Harvard,” he announced. 

“Harvard?” Bee pushed.

“Harvard law.” Andrew confirmed.

Bee sighed, completed another stirring cycle, and levelled a stare at Andrew. “Would you like to tell me why?”

“You know why.”

“I’d like to hear it in your own words.”

Andrew hated this. He hated having to be vulnerable, admit that Riko had actually hurt him, admit that he was being stupid and desperate enough to put his life on hold for something as silly as love.

“I’m getting Riko back,” he decided on, “I’m showing him what an idiot he is and I’m giving him the chance to prove he deserves my forgiveness.”

Bee was silent for a minute, Andrew didn’t want to admit that her silence actually affected him. Finally, she breathed heavily, “I don’t like this.”

“I know.”

“I worry for you.”

“I know.”

“But you’re an adult now, you can make your own decisions. I’ll pay your way if you get in.”

“Thank you,” Andrew muttered.

“We both know I can afford it,” Bee took a sip of her hot chocolate, “you shouldn’t be thanking me for letting you make mistakes.”

~~~~~

As it turned out, studying was hard. Not that Andrew would ever admit that to Aaron. His eidetic memory had mostly carried him through his education, but law appeared to require critical thinking and problem solving, perfect recall could only carry you so far. Music blared downstairs, people milling around, content to let go of their work and focus on the Spring Fling Beer Bash Extreme. Andrew sat in his room, headphones pulled over his ears, working his way through practice paper after practice paper.

“Hey, Drew?” Roland said, pulling off his headphones. Andrew hadn’t noticed him slip in, that was out of character.

“Roland.”

“Wanna have some fun? For old times sake.” Roland raised an eyebrow suggestively.

Andrew thought back to freshman year, he’d had fun with Roland, of course he had. They’d had a not-relationship until Riko came along. He’d be lying if he said he hadn’t considered rekindling that flame since the disastrous not-proposal. But, no, he had things to do. He said he was getting into Harvard and Andrew didn’t lie, he kept his promises, even if those promises were only to himself.

“I’m busy,” he deadpanned.

“But-” Roland tried. 

“Roland,” Andrew glared at him, “no.”

The boys knew what ‘no’ meant, Andrew had drilled it into their heads the second he’d joined this ridiculous collegiate cult. Roland didn’t press. 

Andrew checked his final mark, 151, still not Harvard material. Again.

~~~~~

“175,” Andrew said, slapping down his paper on Aaron’s desk.

“What?” His brother frowned.

“LSAT practice. 175. I’m going to Harvard.”

“That’s not how it-”

“Colombia Metropolitan, nine tomorrow morning, be there.”

~~~~~

“I’m applying to your law school,” Andrew announced, marching into the Dean of Admissions’ office and hopping onto his desk. “My name is Andrew Minyard, I have a 4.0 average in Fashion Merchandising from Palmetto State University. And I’d like to be admitted to your law school.”

The dean stared at him, baffled, and slowly reached for his desk phone. Andrew reached out and pulled it away.

“You’re not calling security.”

“Are you threatening me?”

“I’m asking nicely. But I could threaten you, if that’s what you want.”

The dean sat back carefully, “I’m listening.”

“As I was saying,” Andrew continued, hopping off the desk and pacing across the room, “Andrew Minyard. 4.0 average. 175 on my LSAT. I’m applying for law school here at your esteemed institution.”

“Are you going to explain why?”

“Am I?” Andrew shrugged, “a guy pissed me off. I’m here to make him regret it.”

“That’s it?” The dean raised an eyebrow, “no interest in law? Nothing enticing about the school?”

“Law’s tolerable, but I’m here to prove a point. Surely that should be enough for you, if I’m determined enough to get into Harvard to get back at someone, what do you think I could do once I actually have access to your world renowned resources, staff, and curriculum? Are you really going to turn down a potentially brilliant lawyer simply because you don’t agree with his reasoning? With that level of intellect I seriously question how you keep a job here. How are your students going to get anything out of this experience when their Dean of Admissions is just a scarecrow with a head full of pebbles?”

“Excuse me-”

“Point is, I’m the perfect candidate.” He slapped a folder down on the desk, “my contact details are in there. I’ll be waiting for my enrollment details. Come on Aaron, I’m going to need to be at home to go through my acceptance letter.”

Aaron closed the door gently and chased after him, “what the fuck is wrong with you? Are you stupid? Were you dropped on your head as a baby?”

Andrew paused for a fraction of a second, gaze catching the most brilliantly blue eyes he’d ever seen.

“Andrew?” Aaron pushed.

“It’s called growing a pair, maybe you should try it some time.” 

~~~~~

As expected, his acceptance letter found its way to him shortly after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm very excited to go through this when I'm finished with the whole thing and actually make it decently written hopefully


	4. The Harvard Variations

Harvard was utter crap. Full of uppity people who were convinced they were above the average person just because some fancy school let them in. Andrew hated it already. 

He pushed a chair into the corner of the stupid TAs office he was forced to go to, taking Sir out of his astronaut pack and placing her in his lap, glaring around the room as if daring someone to comment. Nobody did. 

A few students joined him, less than he was expecting but more than he wanted to interact with. A tall man following a much shorter woman, they appeared to already be acquainted and took seats next to each other. Next came another tall guy, scowl plastered on his face and looking like an utter dick. He glared at Andrew, Andrew glared back. Finally, a softly smiling woman with bleach blonde hair and pastel rainbow tips entered, she nodded at Andrew and took a seat by her side. She was unsettling, Andrew liked her already.

He didn’t even notice the brunette until he was already standing at his desk, staring at Andrew with the same blue eyes he’d seen on his little impromptu visit to the college. Andrew’s breath caught briefly, the man looked away.

“Hello,” he said. English accent, interesting. “My name is Neil Wymack, I’ll be your TA for Professor Nathan Wesninski’s Criminal Law 101. Welcome to the hallowed halls of Harvard law, how about we go around the room and share a bit about ourselves?” 

Eyes flitted around the room, nobody liked this shit, nobody wanted to go first. 

“I’m Renee, Renee Walker,” Rainbow hair started, “I’m here because I want to help people who don’t have anyone on their side. I’ve seen first hand what it’s like to be a voice lost in a crowd, and I don’t want any other children to be left unheard and defenseless.”

Neil’s eyes hardened, a barely noticeable change but Andrew watched people for those little indicators, an old habit he no longer needed but never managed to kick. Neil quickly plastered a ridiculously fake smile on his face and thanked Renee, turning to the only other woman in the room and indicating that it was her turn.

“Dan Wilds,” she said, “Reasoning isn't quite as noble as Renee’s. Didn’t know what to do with my life, law looked interesting and lucrative.”

Fake laughter echoed throughout the room. 

The guy next to Dan introduced himself as Matt Boyd, Dan’s long term boyfriend. The other guy turned out to be called Seth. Andrew thought that was fitting, horrible name for a horrible person. Unfortunately, the end of Seth’s introduction meant the start of Andrew’s.

“Andrew Minyard,” he said. Everyone continued to stare at him, obviously expecting him to say more. He gestured at the cat in his lap, “this is Sir.”

Neil, seemingly the only one unaffected by Andrew’s silence, pulled a photo of a cat out of his wallet, “she’s called Pi.”

“I didn’t ask,” Andrew deadpanned. 

“Good for you,” Neil shrugged, “now get to class if you don’t want to be on Wesninski’s shit list from day one.”

~~~~~ 

This whole ordeal was nearly worth the look on Riko’s face when Andrew marched up to their shared classroom. Almost. 

He headed straight for his ex, thumping combat boots and dead glare ensuring other people move out of his way. He was in a new place and needed to build his image, just because these people were convinced the sun shone out of their asses didn’t mean they needed to make the mistake of believing they were superior to him. Luckily, Riko already seemed nervous.

“Riko!” Andrew called, all fake cheer and knife-sharp smiles, “Fancy seeing you here.”

“Drew,” Riko hissed, “what the fuck are you doing here?”

“Drew? Oh no I think you’re mistaken. My name is Andrew, we’re not friends. And I’m here for Professor Wesninski’s Criminal Law 101, aren’t we all?”

“You’re a student here?”

“It took you that long to figure it out?” Andrew drawled.

Riko looked utterly bewildered, “You applied to Harvard law? You got into Harvard law?”

Andrew raised an eyebrow at him, “what, like it’s hard?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to come find me on tumblr at nathanielalexstefancris
> 
> Yeah, chris is spelled wrong in my handle, I didn't notice for a while and now i cba to change oit


	5. Blood in the Water

“Professor Wesninski, that’s who I am to you. We will have none of that friendly camaraderie shit, you are here to learn, not make friends. And I am certainly not a friend.” A great start to the term, Andrew thought, positively wonderful.

“I will be introducing you to the thrilling world of criminal law. If you have any questions, you will direct them to Nathaniel here.” Andrew frowned, he watched as Neil barely contained a flinch and cleared his throat. Nathan turned to him with a cutting grin, “my apologies, Neil. You don’t bother me unless he tells you to, and he doesn’t tell you to unless absolutely necessary. Of course, if he’s any good at his job that shouldn’t happen.” 

“My email address is neil_wymack@harvard.edu,” Neil said, forcing a smile, “that and any other administrative information you may need on this course is in the pamphlet you should have on your desks. Please do not lose it.”

“Thank you, Nate.” Andrew hated this man already. “You may have heard the phrase, ‘a lawyer is a shark,’ show of hands, who has?”

A few hands cautiously entered the air as students glanced around in trepidation.

“Ignore that,” Wesninski continued, “it’s simplistic, and it’s dumb. Only some of you will turn out sharks, the rest are chum.”

Andrew rolled his eyes and sank down into his seat, of course he got stuck in a ridiculous class with some pretentious psychopath prick as a professor. Neil caught his eye and sent him a warning glare, Andrew raised an eyebrow in challenge and Neil spared a glance at Wesninski before turning away.

“Mr Boyd,” Wesninski called, “let us say you are called to defend a banker accused of fraud. An old woman sends her life savings to some big name in the business, he promises to invest it but spends it on prostitutes, heroin, and porn. She, of course, naively puts her trust in the public justice system and takes it to court. Would you defend him?”

Matt frowns, “no, of course not.”

“Ah see, that’s your problem,” he continued, “an easy win, renowned banker, your pockets would be filled before you knew it. Grandma’s broke, she’d have some fresh faced, community college, tryhard with a heart deeper than the Mariana trench. Your guy goes free and he can get you high and laid.”

Matt’s hand travelled to the crook of his elbow self consciously, Dan slipped her hand into his. If Wesninski noticed, he didn’t say anything.

“Mr Shields,” Wesninski smiled.

“It’s actually Ms Walker sir,” Renee corrected.

“Oh, really? But-”

“With all due respect, Professor Wesninski, my name is Renee Walker and I use she/her pronouns,” She said icily, “all of this information is on the system and class register and I’m really not sure how you were mistaken?”

“Yes, well-”

“Sir,” Renee smiled sickly sweet, “I really wouldn’t want to have to make an anti discrimination case.”

“Ms Walker,” Wesninski gritted out, “May we imagine you are offered a job defending a famous hitman, working for the mafia?”

“I suppose we may.”

“Rhetorical question. He missed his assignment, killed a nun, and was brought to court. Would you defend him?”

“No,” she said definitively, “I don’t believe I would.”

“You-” he paused, “people, think you’re so tough.”

“No sir,” Renee argued, “I just like to stick by my moral code.”

“That isn’t how you make it in the world of criminal law.”

“Well in that case I don’t want to make it in the world of criminal law.”

Andrew had to hold back as snicker as Wesninski stalked towards her and she stared back impassively. Neil called the professor's name, succeeding in bringing him back to reality, and flinched once again as the professor turned to face him. Neil held eye contact with Wesninski, blinking slowly as if challenging him to say something, and the professor eventually turned back to his class.

“Now, where were we? Right. I’m sure many of you have heard of my law firm, Butcher’s. Each year I offer four internships to my students from this class, being accepted is essentially a guaranteed career. I expect you all to work to win my respect. Mr Minyard?”

“Yes,” Andrew drawled.

“Can you summarise the case of Indiana v Hearn from the reading?”

Andrew raised an eyebrow, “that wasn’t a joke? Of course not, who assigns reading for the first day of class?”

Wesninski glared at him, “Mr Day?”

“Yes, sir?” A voice piped up from behind Andrew.

“Let’s say you teach a class at Harvard law school,” Wesninski continued, “and some punk hasn’t done the assigned reading. Would you let it go?”

Andrew turned, watching Day’s eyes harden in his seat besides Riko.

“No,” he said, “I’d throw him out.”

“Well,” the professor smiled at him, “you heard the man. Nathaniel, escort him out, make sure he knows what happens when you waste my time.”

“Neil,” Neil said. 

“Neil. I apologise, you simply remind me of my beloved missing son.”

“That must be difficult,” Neil said, “to be reminded so frequently of your loss.”

“It is. He was kidnapped by his insane mother, when he was only ten years old. That was what inspired me to switch from corporate to criminal law.”

“A tragedy, I got involved in it because my birth father was an abusive prick. He got away with it, I want to make sure nobody else does. Of course, there’s always time for cases to be reopened and new evidence to come out,” Neil paused, “come on, Mr Minyard, I’d like to speak to you in my office.”

~~~~~

A heavy silence set over Neil’s office as he sat at his desk and gestured for Andrew to sit across from him. Sir jumped back into his lap and started playing idly with his hoodie strings, Andrew sat back and stared at Neil, he had done nothing wrong and he refused to be the first one to break the silence. 

“Tea?” Neil offered.

“Milk and sugar,” Andrew replied. 

Neil put the kettle on and took out two mugs, both with shitty cat puns. Andrew watched him silently.

“You know,” Neil said, “I’m not about to tell you off or anything. I hate the man as much as you do. I would just watch yourself in there, you do need to pass this class.”

“What’s his deal with you?” Andrew asked.

“What’s his deal with anyone?” Neil replied.

“You’re avoiding the question,” Andrew accused, “Nathaniel.”

“I don’t like that name.”

“You look like him.”

“It’s a bit of an open secret,” Neil shrugged, “my parents never formally married, my father refused to be put on my birth certificate, something about not wanting to associate his family with my mother’s. We can throw around accusations but nobody can really prove anything without me agreeing to a paternity test. Again, open secret. But don’t go around talking about it.”

Andrew frowned, “why do you do this?”

“To prove I can. Anyway, as far as you’re concerned this conversation never happened. Feel free to leave whenever,”

They finished their tea in silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm currently working on Chip on my Shoulder which is going to be Chunky (I have the chapters in between done) but in my defense it's a chunky song but the length of it is daunting.
> 
> I would also like to clarify that Nathan is a shitty person, but more run of the mill shitty, not mob boss shitty.
> 
> As per uze: feel free to come find me on tumblr at nathanielalexstefancris


	6. Positive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight cw for mentions of murder, not actual murder, Andrew and Aaron just talk shit

“Andrew!” someone called as Andrew left Neil’s office, Sir perched on his shoulders. He schooled his face into a scowl and turned around to face Riko and the asshole who had gotten him kicked out of class.

“Yes?”

“Kevin Day,” the prick from earlier extended his hand, “I’m not sure we’ve been introduced.”

Andrew stared at his hand, eyebrow raised as he refused to shake it. “No, I don’t believe we have been.”

Kevin seemed to take that as an invitation to start talking, “well of course you’ll know of my mother, Kayleigh Day.”

Of course Andrew knew who Kayleigh Day was, everyone knew who Kayleigh Day was. Even before she’d ended up in some freak accident which had ended her acting career, her face was everywhere, you’d have to have spent the last twenty years living under a rock to have not heard of her.

“No,” Andrew said, letting Sir drop into his arms. 

Kevin looked personally offended. “Seriously? Kayleigh Day? Famous actress? She’s starred in like, everything, you have to know who she is.”

“I don’t have to do anything. And frankly, I couldn’t care less.”

“Oh, well, I’ve heard that you have met my fiancé, Riko,” Kevin smiled.

“Unfortunately, I have had the displeasure of making his acquaintance, yes.”

Kevin scoffed, “that’s rather rude.”

“Oh don’t worry,” Andrew drawled, “Riko knows all about rude. And apparently, so do you. Try not to get me kicked out of class again, yeah?”

He stormed off, only smirking a little as he heard Riko being subjected to Kevin’s ‘how the fuck do you know Andrew’ interrogation.

~~~~~

Aaron and Nicky blinked at the screen in shock, having just listened to a retelling of Andrew’s day.

“Tell me you’re joking,” Nicky said, breaking the silence, “tell me you’re joking right now.”

“Really?” Andrew said, “when was the last time I joked?”

“You’re living in a Netflix drama,” Aaron decided, “update me when the next episode is released.”

“Fuck off Aaron, if I was living in a Netflix drama my love interest would be the tragic TA.”

Aaron raised an eyebrow.

“I can and will end this call,” Andrew threatened.

There was a flurry of movement across his screen as Nicky yanked the laptop away from Aaron, “No need for that. Anything else interesting?”

~~~~~

For the first time in his life Andrew was genuinely beginning to question his decision. He didn’t believe in regret, it was a useless emotion for pathetic people, but he was getting pretty damn near pathetic. It turned out that law school was significantly harder than expected, which was only made worse by the fact that his criminal law professor seemed to absolutely despise him. Which was fair, he wasn’t exactly dying to cosy up with the guy either, but being kicked out of class on a regular basis made it difficult to learn the syllabus. On top of all that shit, there was only one person in this god forsaken institution that Andrew actually spoke to on a regular basis, he had been right about Renee Walker’s secrets, and the only other person that Andrew tolerated was the TA, who obviously wouldn’t give the time of day to a new student with an attitude problem.

Andrew was well and truly fucked, but he wasn’t about to admit that to anyone but himself.

Neil Wymack was an enigma, seemingly non-existent to the online world and existing only in fleeting glances outside of class and office hours, but Andrew was nothing if not stubborn and he was determined to figure him out. Of course, there was the other problem of his ex and his ex’s fiancé, which led him to where he was at that moment, trapped in a weird petty warfare with some entitled son of a famous actress.

“Jesus christ, shut the fuck up,” Andrew grumbled over the phone. Nicky had been pestering him for more details on the Riko situation constantly since he’d arrived, and Andrew was more fed up with him than he’d ever been before, which was saying a lot. 

Andrew decided that someone must’ve had it out for him. Maybe Tyche, goddess of luck, his subconscious suggested. Obviously princess Day was there, obviously something in his self obsessed brain decided that comment was aimed for him, because when had Andrew’s life ever been easy?

“Let’s take this back to my place,” Kevin said, raising an eyebrow at Andrew and purposefully slipping his hand into Riko’s, “sounds like somebody’s a little jealous.”

Yeah, Andrew decided, some celestial bitch clearly had it out for him. 

~~~~~

“I’m dyeing my hair,” Andrew announced on his weekly call with the Monster’s frat house, “fucking brown or something I don’t know.”

A murmur broke out on the other side of the screen, a few dissenting voices raising from the crowd. Andrew vaguely wondered if he needed to fly back to South Carolina and screw Nicky’s jaw on right. 

“Really?” Aaron raised an eyebrow, “you couldn’t have done this when we were going to the same school? Instead you chose those stupid fucking armbands that did nothing to tell us apart in winter?”

Andrew scowled at him, “not everything is about you, bitch.”

“Oh Andrew,” Nicky broke in, “are people being rude to you? You know the dumb blonde stereotype is just a joke, right? Nobody’s actually going to discriminate against you for it, that’s not a thing.”

Ok, maybe that played a small part in his decision. Sure, nobody was going to fucking bully him for having blond hair, but maybe if he looked a little more drab, slipped into the background slightly easier, people would leave him the fuck alone. 

“Do you genuinely think I’m stupid?” Andrew said, “no I’m not dyeing it because I think some asshole believes in blond inferiority. Maybe it’s just time for a change and this is it, did you never think of that? This isn’t up for debate, I just figured I’d let you know so you didn’t have a coronary next time we called. I don’t want murder on my record.”

“Well it certainly didn’t seem that way during high school senior year.” His brother cut in.

“Shut the fuck up Aaron, go cry to your cheerleader or something.”

“Fuck you.”

“Fuck you too.”

“Maybe ‘fuck you’ will be your-”

“Nicky!”

“Shutting up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In todays chapter of illegally blond, I actually learn how to write things that aren't dialogue 
> 
> As always, hmu on tumblr: nathanielalexstefancris


	7. Ireland

Weirdly, this wasn’t even up there in the top ten most stupid decisions Andrew had made in the past few months, so he really wasn’t sure why the idea of dyeing his hair brown was more daunting than the decision to get a law degree to prove a point. Oh well, he sighed, looking up at the sign hanging above the door of The Fox Salon, at least this was a normal-person bad decision. Bee was going to kill him next time they called.

The bell rang as he stepped inside, alerting the bored looking teenager at the front desk of his presence. She looked him up and down and raised an eyebrow, huh, he actually didn’t hate her. He stared back, refusing to be the first one to break the silence, she glared at him before appearing to remember that she actually had to keep her job, and plastered on the fakest customer service smile Andrew had ever seen. Yeah, he definitely liked her.

“Welcome to The Fox Salon,” she drawled, “how can I help you?”

Andrew glanced at her nametag, “well, Robin, I need someone to dye my hair brown.”

She looked unimpressed, “really? You actually think that’s a good idea?”

“No,” Andrew admitted.

Robin shrugged, “it’s your life I guess. Just head to the back, Abby should be free.”

Andrew followed her nod and found himself in the most stereotypical salon he’d ever seen in his life, eyes immediately catching on to the woman who must have been Abby, the only one in the room not actively enabling other people’s bad hair decisions. Oh well, she’d be doing that soon, no need for her to feel left out. She met his eyes and beckoned him over.

“What can I do for you today?”

“Hair, I need it brown.”

Abby frowned, “you actually want to do that?”

Andrew didn’t lie, but his silence spoke for him.

“I’m not dyeing it,” she decided, “what sparked this?”

Andrew glared at her, “that shouldn’t matter, and it’s not your decision. I just want to be more average, blend into the background a little more.”

“You know, the worst decisions are made to appease other people,” she said.

Of course Andrew would end up with the most bleeding heart hair stylist in existence. He briefly wondered if Bee had called all the salons in the area just in case Andrew went through the same crisis hair dye phase that he had gone through at sixteen, but that would mean a lot of time on the phone, something she wasn’t particularly fond of. 

“I’m aware,” Andrew replied, “and it’s not to please other people, it’s to make my life easier.”

“Sounds awfully similar.”

And Andrew had to admit that it did. God, if Aaron was here right now he’d be tearing into him.

“I’ve made my fair share of bad decisions, kid,” Abby continued.

“Really?” Andrew bit, which Abby unfortunately took as a sign to continue.

“Of course. Hear that music? That’s music from Ireland,” Andrew didn’t have the heart to tell her that he very highly doubted that the music was anything but a poor imitation of riverdance, “the land of love.”

Which tourism poster she got that snippet from, Andrew wasn’t sure, but he was almost certain that was the tagline for France. Whatever, not as if most Americans cared about anything other than the vague idea of Europe.

“When I was a young woman,” Abby continued, “I met a man called Brendon in an Irish pub. He bought me a few drinks and told me he was from Ireland, of course I moved in with him that night. We were together for ten happy years until I found his American passport and some other girl’s underwear. He kicked me out that night, took my trailer and took my dog.”

“Oh no,” Andrew deadpanned, “what a tragedy.”

“I know!” Abby agreed, clearly either ignoring or not sensing any trace of sarcasm, “I know that there’s an Irishman out there for me, I saw it in a dream. His name’s David and he’s a traveller, a sailor maybe. Shit, where was I going with this?”

“My terrible decision making skills,” he prompted.

“Right. Point is, don’t do anything for other people. They might say they’re from Ireland and turn out to be your bog standard thieving and cheating American.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

“You do that.”

Andrew slung his bag back over his shoulder and stomped out of the salon, ignoring Robin’s snickers as he left, and pushing past the postman heading in the direction he’d come from. Nicky would be happy to learn that all he got from his attempt at an appearance switch was lost time and unsolicited advice. Then again, Nicky would be happy to hear that he was interacting with other people full stop. Fuck, he missed his cousin, and he kind of hated himself for even thinking that. He didn’t need other people, but what he would give to have his family at his side, even if Aaron was a judgemental little bitch.

“Andrew!” Kevin called as he rounded the corner onto campus. Andrew stopped and levelled him with a glare, obviously nothing good could come out of this.

“Riko and I are hosting a little get together,” Kevin continued without prompting, “my place this Saturday. You’re welcome to join us.”

“What’s the catch?” Andrew asked.

“The catch?” Kevin looked confused. 

“Yes. The catch. Why are you inviting me? You hate me so I want to know what you get out of it.”

Kevin plastered a pathetically fake smile on his face, “hate you? I don’t hate you. There is no catch, just a fun Saturday night for everyone in our criminal law 101 class to get to know each other a little better. You will come, won’t you? It’s just, I worry that you’re cutting yourself off from the rest of us, we’d love to hear more of what you have to say, what with you being missing from class so often.”

Andrew frowned, “I’ll be there.”

“Great!” Kevin said. “Oh, and Andrew?”

“Yeah?”

“It’s a costume party.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just squished Ireland and Ireland-Reprise into one chapter sorry bout that


	8. Serious - Reprise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW for mentions of suicide ideation, it's not graphic, just a passing mention because this is Andrew Minyard we're talking about.
> 
> If you want to skip it go from "a maturity level above a middle schooler?" to "He curled up on some random bench"

Andrew took a deep breath and adjusted the sleeves of his inmate costume, making sure it covered the armbands on his forearms, and pressed the doorbell. The door opened to reveal Kevin dressed in strangely pedestrian clothing for a costume party, with a big smile and unsettling glint in his eyes. An uncomfortable feeling settled in Andrew’s costume as he steeled himself to enter.

“Andrew,” he said.

“Kevin,” Andrew replied, carefully constructed stony expression settling on his face.

“Interesting outfit choice,” Kevin remarked, “finally end up beyond Wesninski’s shit list?”

“Funny, I thought the same about yours,” he said, giving Kevin a once over, “I seem to recall you saying this was a costume party and I must say your effort is utterly abysmal.”

“I never said that,” Kevin defended.

“My eidetic memory seems to think you did,” Andrew pushed past him, “lead me to the booze.”

As Andrew followed Kevin to the drinks table conversations broke up and eyes followed them, Andrew was distinctly aware of the whispers and snickers, but kept his gaze forwards and pace steady. Fuck this. Fuck Kevin and his petty fucking prank. Fuck this school and Fuck Riko for leaving him. Andrew poured himself some whiskey and glared around the room as if daring anyone to make a comment. They all seemed to value their lives, so nobody did.

He leant back against the wall, watching the room and refusing to leave. So what, Kevin tried to make a fool out of him, that was only going to work if Andrew let it, and Kevin was delusional if he thought Andrew was going to let himself be turned into some fucking joke.

“Andrew,” Riko said, sliding up next to him, “you look… good?”

“I know,” he replied shortly.

“I never thought I’d be here with you,” Riko continued, “remember the good times we used to have?”

“Don’t have a choice,” Andrew replied, “or do you not remember that particular fact about me?”

His ex choked out a laugh, “No, I- it’s just, remember those parties senior year? We used to rule the world.”

Andrew glared at him, “you funneled all that beer, I held your hair when you hurled.”

Riko laughed again.

“That wasn’t a fond memory,” Andrew spat out, “you were pathetic. Still are.”

“I always loved your dry humour,” Riko smiled, “we were like gods back then, walking amongst common men.”

“No, Riko.” he said, “you thought you were a god, with your fucking inflated ego and superiority complex. We weren’t gods, we aren’t gods, we were normal fucking people, and you need to calm the fuck down.”

“I didn’t mean-” Riko tried, “why can’t it be the same again?”

“I don’t know,” Andrew said sarcastically, “maybe it’s because you dumped me. Maybe it’s because you decided I wasn’t good enough for you. Maybe it’s because I was your dumb blond fling who you strung along for the fun of it.”

“I didn’t-”

“You know why I came here?” Andrew continued, “for you, I came here for you. I wanted to prove that I was serious. That I was more than the fashionable little toy for you to show off to your friends and family and discard when you get bored. Discard when you find a new toy and put a ring on his finger within the space of a few months.”

“I-”

“No, Riko, fuck you. Fuck you for ever thinking you were worth it, for ever thinking you were better than me. Because guess what, you’re not. I hope you enjoy this fake little life you’ve set up for yourself. I hope you’re really, really happy.”

“Andrew-”

“Run along to your new plaything now, bye bye,” Andrew threw a fake smile and a wave over his shoulder as he marched to the door. “Oh, and Kevin?” He called, “thank you for hosting this wonderful party, it’s truly been a blast.”

~~~~~

Andrew marched across campus, wishing his polyester costume did more to protect him against the nipping night time air. Of course the party had been a setup, how had he forgotten that nobody at this god forsaken institution had a maturity level above a middle schooler? He fingered the armbands beneath his sleeve and realised that for the first time since he was thirteen he honestly didn’t know if he wanted to be alive anymore, the idea terrified him more than he wanted to admit to himself.

He curled up on some random bench, not really having the energy to carry himself further. He wished Sir and King were with him, curled up on his lap and purring softly as he ran his fingers through their soft fur. He wished Nicky was there making him tea and trying to lighten the mood, he wished Aaron was there telling him that he was an idiot and forcing him out of his slump. Distantly, he thought he should probably call Bee, she always made him feel better when he was struggling, but a bigger part of him desperately didn’t want to admit that he might have made a mistake. Andrew Minyard didn’t make mistakes, only decisions with less than desirable consequences, but there was a first time for everything and he was beginning to think that he never should’ve gotten on that plane to Massachusetts.

If, in some freak accidents the students of Harvard university were frozen in time like the victims of Pompeii, Andrew Minyard would be memorialised forever in that position. Alone, scared, and unsure of what to do next. Oh well, he thought, at least it was the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyy, just a warning that updates with definitely be slower from now on, really sorry. I'm struggling with the next chapter and the deadlines that were creeping up on me are now sprinting towards me loudly and obnoxiously (I'm a university student haha). Stuff will happen it's more of a matter of when. Ty for your patience
> 
> As always, feel free to come find me and drop me a message on tumblr @nathanielalexstefancris


	9. Chip on my Shoulder Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok hi I'm back. I've decided to just post the first half of this chapter since it would be way too long otherwise. I'll try to update once a week but uni 
> 
> Please bear with me it'll get done eventually but my education takes priority
> 
> CW: Child abuse

Andrew wasn’t sure how long he sat there feeling sorry for himself, probably longer than he’d like to admit. He was aware of the biting cold, aware that he should probably make his way back inside, lest he get ill, but quite frankly he didn’t care. It was a testament to how out of it he felt when he didn’t even jump when a jacket was gently placed over his shoulder.

“Andrew?” A voice registered distantly in his mind, he looked up and made eye contact with those blue eyes he tried so hard not to think about. Ah, Neil then.

“Interesting outfit you’ve got there, you must be freezing,” Neil continued before pausing, seemingly taking the time to evaluate Andrew’s face, “what’s up?”

Apparently, those two words were Andrew’s breaking point.

“Everything,” he replied, “Fucking everything. This shithole institution, the fucking prick Wesninski, Riko fucking Moriyama. Why the fuck did I ever think this was a good idea?”

“Hold up,” Neil said, “what’s Riko got to do with anything?”

“My ex,” Andrew shrugged, “bitch said I wasn’t serious enough, broke if off, I came out here to prove that he made a mistake.”

“Wait,” Neil frowned, “you came out here to follow a man? Harvard law was just part of that plan? Man, what rich, romantic planet are you from?”

“Fuck off.”

“No. I’ve heard every story in the book, from money to bleeding hearts. But you, you stalked some guy to an ivy league school. That’s the weirdest reason I have-”

“Well, why’d you come?” Andrew cut in, really not in the mood for this guy’s scolding. So what if his justification was fucking weird, he was admitted fair and square and he wasn’t about to let some up himself prick tell him off for it.

Neil paused, contemplating, “you know about Wesninski.” 

Not really a question but he still paused for an answer, “yes.”

“Abusive asshole, could’ve afforded a punching bag but he used his son and girlfriend instead,” Neil continued, “my mum took me and ran when I was ten. It was nice, for a bit, Nathaniel and Mary against the world, but it turned out she wasn’t much better than him. She was paranoid as fuck, refused to let me out of her sight, didn’t let me eat half the time because she was convinced everything was poisoned. This post man found me when I was sixteen, starving and hiding behind a gas station that my mum was inside stealing from. I guess I’d hit my breaking point because I told him everything. Got removed from mum’s care and put into his, she was institutionalised and I haven't heard from her since.”

“I didn’t ask for your sob story,” Andrew cut in, “I asked why you were here.”

“I’m getting there,” Neil glared at him, “Coach, my dad, is amazing. He’s a postman, but he coaches high school lacrosse on the side, and volunteers to help teams that can’t afford coaches when he can. You probably know that doesn’t exactly pay well. He got me into lacrosse, the sport scholarships that came from that are probably the only reason I’ve been able to put myself through university. I want to stop people like Wesninski from getting away with it, sure, but mainly I want to be able to pay coach back for what he’s done for me.”

“I’m adopted too,” Andrew offered, “wait, you were a sports scholar? On top of law school?”

“I mean,” Neil rubbed the back of his neck, “I had a job too.”

“How did you do it?” 

“Haven’t slept since I was in the womb,” Neil shrugged, “I don’t know, I just did. Didn’t go to parties a lot, spent my free time studying, just learned to be a master at time management.”

Andrew frowned, “and I suppose you’re here to be some sort of fucking guardian angel? All flaming eyes and six pairs of wings here to bully me through law school?”

“I don’t know,” Neil said, “I could be?”

~~~~~

“What the fuck,” was the first thing Neil said when he entered Andrew’s dorm. Andrew was beginning to think this hadn’t been the best decision in the world.

“Problem?” Andrew asked.

Neil rocked on the balls of his feet, eyes darting around the room like he was trying to figure out the best way to systematically tear it apart, “where are your law books?

“They’re around here somewhere,” Andrew said, throwing himself down on the bed, “have at it.”

Neil got to work tearing apart Andrew’s room while rambling about opportunities and commitment and other shit Andrew filtered out until Andrew lifted his head to raise an eyebrow at Neil, eyes catching a small pile of law books in the back corner of the room.

“To your left,” he said.

Neil picked up the book at the top of the file and maintained eye contact with Andrew as he peeled off the plastic film, “been reading it hard I can tell.”

Andrew threw a pillow at him, Neil rolled his eyes and got to work clearing the desk.

~~~~~

“Where do you think you’re going?” Neil said, downing his third redbull of the night.

Andrew paused his packing, “home. It’s thanksgiving break, remember?”

Neil raised an eyebrow, “well I reckon you’ll probably pass, but in the bottom percent of your class. If you’re going for mediocre, you’ve done great.”

Andrew glared at him, Neil raised both hands in surrender, “hey, they laughed at me like they’re laughing at you, I just want to help. Might I venture that your vacation plans can wait?”

“And what do you suggest I do?” Andrew asked, “spend thanksgiving break alone in my dorm?”

“Well, you could stay with coach and I,” Neil suggested, like it was the easiest thing in the world.

Andrew frowned, he could do that, it’d probably be less depressing than hanging out alone all week. Of course, there was also the tiny issue of his minor growing infatuation with the enigma that was Neil Wymack. Neil, of course, remained completely oblivious.

“Less time on an airplane,” Andrew allowed.

Neil smiled that stupid soft smile of his, “I’ll text you the details.”


	10. Chip on my Shoulder Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this is kind of a mess, I will continue to complain about uni but yeah you can blame that

The Christmas break rolled around and Andrew was, once again, stuck in his dorm room. Bee said she’d fly up for a bit, so he didn’t feel like he was completely abandoning his family, but it still felt weird. Neil, the nuisance, sat at Andrew’s desk going through cans of redbull like his life depended on it. The TA had managed to stick himself to Andrew’s side since the fateful not-costume party, though if Andrew thought about it anymore he’d have to consider the possibility that he was actually Neil’s limpet. 

“How many of these have I had?” Neil frowned.

Andrew glanced pointedly towards the growing pile of redbull cans in the bin, “dunno but if you overdose on caffeine I’m not taking you to the ER.”

“These have caffeine in them?”

Andrew didn’t grace that with an answer.

Neil shrugged and went back to whatever he was doing, probably studying or marking or some other nerd activity. Andrew didn’t ask, it’d probably trigger some sort of rant about whatever Neil was doing because he’d either have his ear talked off about some legal jargon or have to sit through Neil complaining about the empty space between the ears of half of his students.

“Oh, I forgot,” Neil said, tossing Andrew a shoddily wrapped gift, “I got you something.”

“I didn’t-” Andrew tried.

“It’s ok, I just know you’re not going home for christmas which is kinda my fault which is kinda shit,” Neil cut in, “just open it.”

Andrew tore open the wrapping paper to reveal 2 in 1 shampoo and conditioner, “thanks?”

“Now you can save time,” Neil explained. Andrew nodded knowing damn well he was never letting that anywhere near his hair. He wondered how on earth he was attracted- no. That was something he refused to address. 

A knock on the door broke Andrew out of his contemplative state. After sharing a confused look with Neil he answered the door to reveal the douche king Riko Moriyama himself.

“Andrew,” He said sheepishly, “I was wondering if you’d seen Kevin recently? We’re gonna miss our flight.”

“Yeah,” Andrew said before he could even think.

Riko stared at him expectantly for a few seconds before breaking, “so… Where is he?”

“Where is who?”

“Kevin.”

“I don’t know.”

Riko blinked a few times, “but you just said-”

“I never said anything, fuck off,” Andrew slammed the door in his face and threw himself back on the bed. Trying his best to ignore the feeling of Neil’s gaze on him.

“Can I make an observation?” Neil said.

“Can I stop you?”

“No.” Neil decided before continuing, “it’s just that every time you interact with Riko your intelligence drops to that of a concussed two year old. Have you considered that his existence might be the real thing in your way?”

“Fuck off,” Andrew said. 

“I’m right and you know it.” Neil threw an empty redbull can at him.

“That’s why I’m telling you to fuck off,” Andrew threw it back, “can’t tell you that you’re right and pump up your ego any more.”

~~~~~

Andrew was, once again, stuck in the medieval torture chamber known as Nathan Wesninski’s classroom. Neil was sitting in the back taking the notes that Nathan demanded but refused to share with his students, if Neil happened to hand Andrew a printed copy after every class nobody needed to know. 

“Mr Ladamer was clearly within his rights to ask for visitation, without his sperm the child in question wouldn’t exist,” Riko said smugly, sounding fucking stupid to anyone with two working brain cells. 

Wesninski appeared to be lacking those brain cells because he seemed impressed with Riko’s answer, “Now you’re thinking like a lawyer.”

Andrew cleared his throat, Wesninski looked up as if begging for divine intervention before drawling, “yes, mr. Minyard.” 

“Mr Moriyama makes an excellent point, but did the defendant keep a log of every sperm emission made throughout his life?” He said seriously, looking at Wesninski in earnest. He thought he saw Neil snicker in the background but decided not to dwell on it.

“Interesting,” Wesninski frowned, “why do you ask?”

“Well, unless the defendant contacted every sexual encounter to see if a child was created from any of those unions, he has no parental claim over this child whatsoever.” Andrew continued, “why now? Why this sperm?”

“I see your point,” Wesninski gritted out.

Andre smirked, “and, by Mr Moriyama’s standards, all masturbatory emissions where the sperm was clearly not seeking an egg could be considered reckless abandonment.”  
“Mr Minyard,” Wesninski said, looking like the words were physically paining him, “you just won your case.”

Andrew definitely wasn’t imagining Neil’s proud smile.

~~~~~~

“Mr Minyard,” Wesninski called as Andrew went to leave the room, “I hope you’re applying for my internship.”

“I’m considering it,” Andrew replied.

Wesninski looked five seconds from strangling him, “do you have a resume?”

“Might have one in here somewhere,” Andrew said, rifling through his messenger bag for the resume he knew full well he’d kept in there for weeks, “ah, found it.”

“It would do you well to be respectful to your superiors,” Wesninski snapped.

“Perhaps,” Andrew shrugged, “you took my resume anyway.”

If Neil put a little more focus than necessary on Andrew’s victory in the lesson notes, neither of them mentioned it.


	11. I'm sorry haha

Ok my apologies this isn't a chapter

Basically, I'm a uni student and between that, my job, and my complete inability to manage time I am Struggling and just writing shitty chapters last minute to post which isn't fun for anyone

But I'm also having a good time with this

I'm going to actually finish this, but I'm not going to post until I do. Currently planning on leaving this up, giving a lil update when I finish, and deleting this fic and just starting again (with the same thing but edited and done with less stress) 

Anyway yeah really sorry about this but I'm only human and want to have fun with this rather than letting it be another stressful unenjoyable thing

**Author's Note:**

> I'm English so sorry about spelling. I'll try to use shit like "mom" if people are speaking but if I tried to spell in American it would be confusing and inconsistent.
> 
> Also, feel free to hmu on tumblr @nathanielalexstefancris  
> (ik that's not how to spell Chris but I messed up and can't be bothered to change it)


End file.
